Horrible Personals

[gotXyourXcancer]

I came across these in a daily joke feature...these ARE real...enjoy

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Forty-two-year-old unemployed male living at home with parents. Interests include waking up around 1 p.m. and watching TV in my underwear. My curfew is 11 p.m., but I can call if I'm going to be later. Please, no phone calls past 9 p.m., or my mom will get mad.

Searching for a male to argue with on a consistent basis about petty issues. Must have a good set of lungs to use during screaming matches.

Greedy, selfish female who can't save a penny looking for anyone with money so that I can spend it. Appearances are not a factor as long as your wallet is full. Must provide transportation so that I can shop freely and alone.

Thirty-five-year-old doctor who wants to finally meet a woman with true inner beauty. Outward appearance not a factor. Please send X-rays

Former member of the human race, recently become a celestial being, seks like-minded ghost to terrorize and haunt locations such as attics, woods, and old houses by creaking the stairs, turning down the thermostat, etc.

Control freak looking for someone who will let me boss him around and tell him what to do with his life. I have a short temper and will not tolerate it if I don't get my way. Mama's boys need not apply.

Homeless, jobless, toothless, smelly bum with no future in sight seeks companion to leech off, and to sit with by the garbage-can fires in the alley at night. The stars always look better sitting next to a friend and a rotten banana peel.

Curious carpenter needs experienced subcontractor for discreet tongue-and-groove work. High-quality craftsmen only, please.

[esvenneby]

HAHAHAHA!!!!

[ShellyCrash]

We actually had a guy posing on our site that he was looking for a woman willing to do anything and drink chemicals or anything he told her. Must not have children or close family members. Must be willing to give life for satan.

Yeah- we had to ban him.